he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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