I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
