Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
