I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
