yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she pinky promised me she was 18
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
