One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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