I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
