ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Pants are for mortals
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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