I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
