dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
