That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
