Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
