so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I puked a lego.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
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drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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