why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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