Your dad touched me again.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Acid is not a monday night drug
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
