my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Two words: nipple clamps
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