i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
