I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
