so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
