It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
