she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I woke up under a house in Key West
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