How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
