I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
