I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
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Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
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I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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