Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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