When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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