Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
