Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
