How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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