Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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