My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
