I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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