I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
