im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
