this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
