You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
