I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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