i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
