what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
