Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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