whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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