Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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