Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
