I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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