Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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