there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
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Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
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I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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