Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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