She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
