Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
