shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
