Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
