how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
