babies were throwing up all over the place
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
