No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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