also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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