You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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