I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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