His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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