Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
