Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
my god I love twenty year old dicks