Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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