my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.