I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
