I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
