I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
