Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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