just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
