The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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