Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting