I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
