I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.