I am puke
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.