I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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